Direction from God

I received clear direction from God regarding Happiness Home in Manipur, India.  I was already sensing this, but now that I've heard from God, it's settled.  It is NOT His will for me to go to Happiness Home to work, live, etc.  He reminded me of a vision He gave me in 2007.  In that vision He showed me that a friend would be on the mission field and I would be one of her main supporters.  When He gave me the vision in 2007, my prayer life was nothing, my finances were nothing.  He has strengthened both areas since then.  Having experienced the foreign field, if only for a short time, I will know how to pray effectively for and financially support someone else.  I can truly share their compassion and burden.

As for the Bible college or another part of India, I still don't have direction.  That's OK.  God will make it all clear to me in His timing.

Humility and Submission

I took my friend's words very seriously because God was already telling me the same thing.  I awoke at 3:30 this morning and went into the living room to pray.  I repented over my wrong attitudes and asked God to forgive me. I then laid hands on myself and asked God to give me a humble, loving attitude for His Kingdom no matter where I am placed and to have a servant attitude no matter who my leader is.  I asked Him to help me to focus on and work the field I am in right now with passion and joy.

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation , and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."  Philippians 2:5-8

"Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble."  I Peter 5:5

Today I had a meeting today with my pastor's wife, our first since my return from India.  I shared with her my desire to return to India.  She paid me a high compliment...one I was not expecting. She told me, "If anyone else were to come to me and say they were called to the mission field, I would doubt their calling because they have not proved themselves in this local church.  But you?  You have proved yourself.  You teach Bible studies, you do outreach, etc. I will pray with you for God's direction regarding India."  Wow!  I promised her I would remain committed to this church and to their ministry even while my heart was being called to India.  I promised her I would continue to serve them wholeheartedly and with joy because this is where God has me right now.

A few minutes after my meeting, my pastor approached me and told me he wanted me to tell the church about my trip to India. He and I talked about my desire to return to India. He promised to pray with me for direction. Both conversations were confirmation from God telling me an attitude of humility and submission is everything. Thank you Lord for the leadership you have given me.  Thank you Jesus for your mercy towards me!

Truth in Love

I have a dear friend who tells me the truth in love.  God has used her many times to reveal a hidden flaw in my character.  Today was one of those days. 

My church as a whole has treated the trip to India as a vacation.  They have not understood my calling, my burden at all.  Although I don't understand, I have chosen not to allow it to cause an offense.  My dear friend's words revealed my own flaws in the situation:

"I realize your leaders may not share your burden and may not be as supportive as you wish.  But remember, it's NOT about them backing your vision or passion - it's about your faith in God's authority.  Wholeheartedly serve your church. If you cannot have a love for souls in your own community, then saying you have a burden for a foreign land will not be taken seriously by anyone! The FRUIT of the spirit is far more important right now.  God is looking at your attitude and submission. When you look past their lack of support and you serve them with all your heart - then you WILL receive clear direction and hear from God.  He will open the right doors and bless you financially to go carry out your burden for India.  God will not forget you!"

Her beautiful words of wisdom were exactly what I needed to hear.  Even though my church does not share my burden, it does not diminish the fact God has given it to me.  I trust my leadership.  To be honest, even though I serve my leadership and I do things to support them, my heart is not one of submission to them. This is not pleasing to God.  I will pray for a spirit and attitude of total submission and love for my pastor and his wife.

God has given ME the burden for India.  Not my pastor, not my church...but ME.  I have been wrong to expect others to share my heartbeat.  And just because God has given me this particular burden and allowed me to experience another culture does not make me better than them.  He's leading me on a different path than theirs, not a better one, just a different one.  Lord, I need humility in addition to submission and love.

Some Days

Some days the desire and longing for India is worst than others. Today is one of those days. I received new pictures of the children this morning. One boy was very sick when I left there (he was new at Happiness Home, having just been released from the hospital).  I cried when I saw his picture today...he looked so healthy and strong! :-)

Days like today I am ready to quit my job, pack my bags and move there forever. I can't move there forever anyway...India only allows a person to stay 5 months at a time. I am not feeling stressed, just so torn. My body is here but my heart is there. What to do?!?

I need direction...clear definite direction from God.

Miss Bubbly Little Personality

So I get home from India and start sorting through my pictures when this spunky little girl full of life and laughter shows up. How did I miss this bubbly little personality while there?!?!  She made me laugh today! :-)

A "God" Thing

This is such a "God" thing, I just wanted to share it with you.  Bro. Stanley Scism, missionary to India, posted on his facebook page about the 2010-2011 Bible college students.  There was one young lady named Rose whose story inspired me.  One of the former college students witnessed to her and suggested she attend the college.  So she applied.  Even though she did not have the Holy Ghost nor was she baptized in Jesus Name, the college accepted her application.  Her first day of school, she received the Holy Ghost and was baptized.  She was a brilliant student, absorbing everything she could.  Without telling anyone, I decided to take her on in prayer.  I was hoping to meet her when I visited India, but it did not happen.

Upon my return from India, I learned I will be getting $500 unexpectedly.  I could have applied this towards my airline ticket, but felt strongly impressed by God to use it to support a Bible college student for next year.  (If I take care of His Business, He will take care of mine).  I had Rose on my mind but when I emailed Bro. Scism, I mentioned no names and asked him who had the greatest need.  When he told me Rose needed it most, I was thrilled and KNEW it was a God thing!!  She was feeling discouraged because she wanted to return to Bible college next year but could not afford to do so.  God answered her prayers!!  I am so glad to be a part of it!

Rose shows a lot of potential.  Since returning home from college last month, she has already started her first church.  This is a new babe in Christ who's only had the Holy Ghost 5 months!!  Inspiring to say the least!

Alabama Ladies Conference

I just returned from the Alabama Ladies Conference.  The speakers were Cheryl Riddick, missionary to Cameroon, Africa and Vonnie Lopez, pastor's wife in Louisiana.  God used them to minister to me emotionally and spiritually.

Cheryl Riddick spoke about her experience upon arrival to the mission field twenty five years ago.  She felt a burden for the lost souls of Cameroon as well as a burden for her lost family members back home in the United States.  She felt so torn between the two burdens.  She went to God in prayer and asked, "What do I do?  I can't be in both places at once."  He told her, "You take care of My Business in Cameroon and I'll take care of yours in the United States."  She took Him at His Word and began to focus on the souls in Cameroon while continuing to pray for the souls in the United States. Over the course of time, her entire family was saved.  I cried because someone understood and put words to how I feel right now: torn.  My heart is in two places: India and Birmingham.  I am here in Birmingham, but feel a strong calling to India.  For now, it's okay for my heart to be in two places.  God will unite my heart in His timing.

Vonnie Lopez talked about claiming our mountains like Caleb did in Joshua 14:6-14.  The mountain was promised to Caleb earlier by Moses.  Forty years later, as Joshua was passing out the inheritance to the children of Israel, Caleb laid claim on his promise.  It was not a "name it and claim it" deal.  Caleb did not expect God to hand it to him on a silver platter.  All Caleb wanted was permission from Joshua to fight the giants in the mountain to make it his own.  He had maintained his strength and fighting power for forty years in preparation to take the mountain promised to him.

As we all prayed and asked God to give us our personal mountains, I asked to be debt-free.  I am willing to do whatever I have to do to become debt-free but I cannot do it without His Help.  I am tired of being the tail and not the head as God promised (see Deuteronomy 28:13).  I want to be the lender and not the borrower (see Deuteronomy 15:6).  I want to use my money to benefit the Kingdom of God. 

Vonnie was a dynamic and uplifting speaker, but what struck me most was her involvement with an organization called Jordan International Aid (JIA).  In-between sessions, I looked it up on the internet and it's an all-volunteer organization ran by Apostolics who carry out various humanitarian projects all over the world, including India.  This opened up a possibility I had not considered before.  I could continue to live and work in Birmingham, and if I were involved with JIA, I could take 1-3 missions trips per year to help in other countries.  This would allow me to work both fields.

Another thing that excited me about JIA was its potential to help Happiness Home.  You see, I'd been praying and asking God to lead me to the right organization.  Not just any organization would do because I did not want to jeopardize the delicate nature of Happiness Home's ministry.  One wrong move and all those precious people could be sent back to Burma where they could die without access to medication.  I felt JIA was the right organization so I contacted them via email to find out more.

All in all, it was a good conference.  God used it to give me peace, encouragement and direction.

Adjusting

I've been back in the USA a week now and I'm still trying to adjust, emotionally, spiritually and physically.  I got sick those last few days in Manipur with a bad case of traveler's diarrhea and vomiting.  On Thursday, I was so dehydrated, they were threatening to take me to the local clinic to get an IV.  I told them, "No Way!  Fly me home!"  But I was too sick to get on a plane.  I needed to get well enough by Saturday to travel home.  People were praying for me.  Thursday night, I awoke from my sleep as I felt the Presence of the Lord enter the hotel room.  A peace came over my body.  I literally felt my body calm down.  The stomach cramps, diarrhea, and vomiting stopped.  I became well enough to travel home, but once I got back to the USA, things flared up again.  So, I've been on medication trying to get well.

I went to church this morning for the first time since returning from India.  It's not the same.  The people are more concerned about trivial stuff like their personal appearance and social status than they are about souls or missions  It's so superficial.  Don't they realize the urgency of it all?!  This is life or death!  It's not a playground.  It's a battleground.  Souls are at stake for eternity!  Come on, everyone, WAKE UP!!

I no longer think like they do.  I don't belong here anymore.  Not in this church.  Not in America.  I belong in India.  But I'm not Indian.  I'm American.  I am struggling to find my place in life.  What is my purpose?  Where do I fit in now?  I can't just keep wandering aimlessly in life.  My life must count for something in the Kingdom of God.

Geesh!  I'm even having a hard time adjusting to the order and quietness.  (That's hard to believe because I LOVE quietness!)  I actually miss the chaos and noise of India.  Maybe I should buy me one of those crazy horns for my car?!  lol  :-)

Is There a Cure?

I conducted 30 interviews this past week at Happiness Home.  It was interesting to hear their stories.  I was so encouraged by their strength and their faith in God.  Sometimes it felt like I was interviewing people fresh off the pages of Hebrews chapter 11, which is known as "Faith's Hall of Fame" in the Bible.  The purpose of the interviews is to tell the people's stories through some kind of media: website, handout, book, etc.  The final plan has not yet been formulated as to the best way to tell their stories.

During each interview I asked the person if there was anything he or she wanted to ask me or share with me.  There were the cute questions from the children like, "Do you have buses in America?" or "Is there snow where you live?"  There was one question repeatedly asked by the adults, "Is there a cure for AIDS?"  One guy expounded upon the question which gave me insight to their inquiries.  He told me, "In Burma, we did not know about medication for this disease.  We hear about medication in India, so we come here, get medication and now we feel better.  What if there is a cure in America or some other country and we don't know about it?"  A young pregnant woman was concerned about her unborn child.  She asked me how to prevent her child from getting the disease.  I tried to answer their questions with the limited knowledge I had about HIV/AIDS.  I felt so helpless and uneducated.   

For the people of Happiness Home, it's hard to stay up-to-date with the rapidly changing medical field when the main source of information is via internet.  Bro Rama or Jacob will sometimes bring their laptop computer to share information with them.  There is the additional challenge of keeping it charged since electricity only runs a few hours daily.  Perhaps I can inquire about HIV/AIDS education information and/or curriculum and send it to them. They have every right to be informed. 

I Can't Believe It's Over

Well, it's hard to believe the trip to India is over and I'm back home in the USA.  We left Happiness Home yesterday (actually the day before if you include the 12 hour time difference) admist tears and sad good-byes.  They had a little service for us before we left; we all sang worship songs.  Different people spoke thanking us for our time and love we have shown them.  Then, as we were leaving, they all lined up and each one shook our hands as we walked to the vehicle.  By the time I reached the end of the line and climbed into the vehicle, I was so overcome with emotion and tears, I had no voice.  I couldn't even tell Bro. Rama goodbye...I simply cried and tried to smile.  He gave me a kind look of understanding.

The trip home was a long one.  I lost it emotionally a few times thinking about it all.  My life will never be the same.  Only the Lord knows what the future holds and what role this journey to India will play in it.

Please enjoy the slideshow of the many faces of Happiness Home.

Warning!!

WARNING!!!!  The two photos you are about to view are very graphic. 

The photos you have seen so far have been of happy people with seemingly healthy bodies, even though they are infected with HIV/AIDS.  Their health and happiness came after receiving medical treatment and spiritual nourishment.  The harsh reality is many people are barely alive when they arrive at Happiness Home, as these two photos depict.  Some regain strength and health and go on to live normal lives.  Others die.

No matter their outcome, Happiness Home offers people with HIV/AIDS hope that they would not otherwise have. It DOES make a difference!

Identity Crisis

Nu Lali is in the midst of one huge identity crisis at age 52.  In less than one year’s time, she has suffered the loss of her husband who died of AIDS, the loss of their 16 year ministry as missionaries in Burma, separation from her country and her family, all while fighting her own health battle with HIV/AIDS.

Nu Lali and her husband were missionaries in Burma converting Buddhists to Christianity when they contracted HIV/AIDS through improper needle injections while ministering to the health needs of the people.  Her husband became sick first but refused to come to India to receive medication.  He felt God had given him the disease and that it was God’s will for him to die.

When Nu Lali first became sick, she knew she had TB and Typhoid.  She went to the hospital in Burma where they confirmed her self-diagnosis.  When the doctors tested her blood, they discovered she was HIV+.  When they informed her, she felt like her life was over.  She did not want to live.  The feeling did not last long because soon afterwards she came to India seeking medication.  She was receiving medical treatment at a local hospital in India when someone told her about Happiness Home.  She travels frequently between Burma and India.  She has been at Happiness Home for two months on her recent stay.

She does not feel homesick at Happiness Home. She likes it and thinks of it as an extended family.  Speaking of family, she has one son and two daughters in Burma.  Another daughter lives in the United States.  Nu Lali has at least two grandchildren, both boys.

Nu Lali views it a good thing to rely on God no matter the circumstances.  She says, “If I die, it is for His glory.  If I live, it is for His glory.”  In losing her own identity, Nu Lali has become identified with Jesus Christ.

"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ." Philippians 3: 8

Nu Lali



Me, Lori, Nu Lali



The Weaver

Aungsan

Aungsan is a weaver who serves the Master Weaver.  He believes that HIV/AIDS was weaved into his life by God for a purpose.  He believes God wants to teach him something in his life is the reason he has been given this sickness.  Before he became sick, he did not understand people with HIV/AIDS.  Now he understands them.  Aungsan simply trusts the Master’s Hand as He weaves and intertwines the threads of his life. 

Aungsan, age 48, says it is hard to come to India from Burma.  But by God’s grace he, along with his wife and two children, were able to come here.  When they arrived, he was so sick he thought he was going to pass away.  Now he is healthy with medication.

The family arrived at Happiness Home with no money.  People would give him money, but he thought if they continue to do that he will not want to get a job.  He worked as missionary in Burma before he tested positive.  At Happiness Home, he was trained to operate the weaving machine.  He credits God with giving him this new talent.  He says that money comes and goes but this talent will stay with him.  Even if they return to Burma, he can weave there.  By God’s grace, they are able to work and eat.  They are not dependent upon anyone.

Aungsan feels like Happiness Home is heaven on earth for him.  His children are in school.  He is able to work with weaving.  He feels blessed of God.  He wants to praise God more and more.  He says God’s will is not always understood, but always has a purpose.  Sometimes he wants to preach instead of weave.  Doesn’t he realize the weaving of his life by God is a sermon?

"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from teh beginning to the end."  Ecclesiastes 3:11



Aungsan, the weaver.



Aungsan hard at work.

Aungsan and his family.

A Simple Life

The people of Happiness Home live a simple life.  They do not have the luxuries that we take for granted as Americans.  They have electricity on average 4 hours daily, which occurs on an erratic schedule.  They do not have stoves, refrigerators, let alone microwaves.  They do not have running water.  Water is pumped in from a nearby reservoir a few times each week.  They do not have much furniture, mainly beds and a few chairs.  They squat to eat, so there is no need for dining room furniture. The few clothes they own--which are washed by hand and hung out to dry--are either folded and placed at the foot of the bed or hung on a nail on the wall.

Even though they live a simple life, one of the things I noticed about the people of Happiness Home, including the littlest ones, was the camaraderie they shared.  They faithfully lived out Romans 12:10, "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another."  The adults worked together in harmony doing various tasks; they took care of each other's children as if they were their own.  If a child had two pieces of candy, he or she would always share one piece, sometimes both.  When playing the Carom board game, they would often help each other make the best shot, even their opponents.

There were no displays of selfishness or quarreling in this group of people.  I couldn't tell if this was how the Burmese culture normally operated.  Culture or not, these are all strangers from various backgrounds living together under "one roof."  Unfortunately, one common thread binds them together: HIV/AIDS.  As I post their stories in the days ahead, you will see how HIV/AIDS has affected their lives.  But, for now, enjoy the pictures of their "togetherness."


It's Water Day!!

The women preparing greens for dinner.

The young men cutting up meat for dinner.

Little Albert doing his part by cutting up a balloon.

The children playing the Carom board game.

Teaching me how to play.  I brought them lots of laughter with my crazy shots!

Helping each other or fighting?!

They Dug Her Grave

They dug her grave.  That’s how sick Suite Nu was when she arrived at Happiness Home.  She was so weak in body she could not turn over in the bed, but with strength of mind, she could still pray.  She told God, “If I am going to die, just let me die and not suffer.  But if I am going to live, show me some way that I can be of some good in life.”

Suite Nu contracted HIV/AIDS from her husband who died in 2008 from the disease because there was no medication available in Burma where they lived.  When Suite Nu became sick, her pastor and his wife told her about Happiness Home in Manipur, India and took her there, where she was able to obtain medical attention from a nearby hospital and clinic.  She left behind in Burma two adult sons, both healthy.

Suite Nu, age 51, refers to herself as an uneducated woman.  She does not read nor write and she only speaks one language.  She does not drive.  Don’t let her self-indictment fool you.  She was a very active member of her church in Burma and was the leader of the women’s organization there.

As she lay on the hospital bed too weak to do anything other than pray, God told her she would live.  Not only did she live, she assumed a new role in life as she became the “nanny” to the orphan children at Happiness Home.  She cooks for them, washes their clothes and cares for them when they are sick.  She comforts them and loves them as only a mother can do.  She laughed as she described her daily duty of mending the children’s clothes, “They play hard and I stitch.  They play hard again and I stitch again.”  She enjoys every minute of it because as she states, “I am glad to be used of God in His Kingdom in this way.  This is the reason I am alive.”



Suite Nu



Suite Nu feeding one of the children.



Happiness Home Orphans

Currently, there are nine orphans at Happiness Home.  Most of these children are truly orphaned, but the word "orphan" in this case also means they do not have a mother or father at Happiness Home.  They are taken care of by a dear lady they call "Nanny".  All of the children in the home are special, but I only interviewed the orphans.  One thing stood out to me as I interviewed them.  Knowing some of their stories beforehand, I fully expected to see signs of trauma.  I was pleasantly surprised instead to see emotional healing and spiritual peace.  Many of these children, without any prompting from me, made reference to specific times of prayer when God touched them and "made them better."  Here are their brief, yet inspiring, stories.

Tluangtea, age 9, wants to be a bus driver when he grows up. In Burma, he saw only bicycles and rickshaws. After moving to India, he saw cars, trucks, buses and other vehicles. He has been at Happiness Home for 4 years. His mother and father died from HIV/AIDS in Burma. His grandmother brought him to India because he was not well. Even though he is feeling better, he still has to take medicine. He has four older brothers and one older sister in Burma, all of them healthy.

Bawla, age 9, has been at Happiness Home for 1 year.  Both of his parents are infected; they live in Burma. He has one healthy brother in Burma.  He has lots of friends at the home, but not a best friend.  He loves school and wants to be a doctor when he grows up.

Buatsaiha, age 9, was dropped off at Happiness Home about a month ago.  His mother, father, grandmother and grandfather have all died from AIDS.  It is uncertain at this time whether or not he has HIV.  He speaks two languages.  He likes to eat, especially meat.  He likes to play all kinds of games.


Kimboi, age 13, and Nemtong, age 12, are sisters.  They have been at Happiness Home since 2007.  Kimboi has HIV while Nemtong is healthy. They watched both parents die of AIDS.  For a while, Nemtong worked cleaning houses to earn money for the family since she was the only one healthy.  Both girls like school.  Kimboi wants to be a doctor.  Nemtong wants to be a teacher and travel all over the world helping others.

Chawia, age 13, has HIV and has been at Happiness Home for one year.  His father died of AIDS.  His mother still lives in Burma.  She brought him to India so he could receive medication and an education.  She visits him about every two months.  He also has one older sister and one older brother in Burma.  He likes school and desires to be a bright student.  He likes the special meals that are served at Happiness Home on Sundays.

 Vanlalsiama, age 13, wants to be a missionary when he grows up.  His dream is to someday go to another country although he doesn't know which one yet.  He likes to pray.  He prays every morning and every evening.  After his mother and father died of AIDS, he met his grandmother for the first time.  She brought him to Happiness Home about one year ago because he has HIV.  His grandparents went to a church that did not baptize.  He wanted to be baptized in water.  He was baptized in Jesus' Name when he arrived at Happiness Home.

Pumkhankhual, age 14, arrived at Happiness Home today.  Just released from a 10 day stay at a local hospital, he is still weak from HIV.  His mother, father and grandfather have all died from AIDS.  His grandmother is in Burma.He loves music and can play the piano and keyboard when he has strength.  (3-24-11 NOTE: This is a recent photo.  He is looking healthier and stronger!)




Khual Pi, age 15, dreams of one day of being healthy, going back to Burma and constructing his own home. His mother and father died of AIDS. He has one older sister who attends a Bible college. Although he likes school, he is not very studious. He prefers working with his hands.  When he first arrived at Happiness Home 4 years ago, he was so weak he could not lift anything.  Now he can carry big buckets of water.