I applied for my passport today! WHOO HOO!! This trip is going to happen!! I am so EXCITED!!
Earlier, I didn't feel excitement and hope. When God first placed this desire in my heart to go to India, I was filled with fear and doubt. Especially regarding the finances. I knew there was absolutely NO WAY I could make this trip happen on my own. There was not enough baby-sitting, dog-sitting, or part time jobs to come up with that kind of money in such a short period of time. I would have to TOTALLY depend upon God for the finances. Being very strong-willed and self-reliant, this thought of dependency left me feeling very vulnerable....a feeling I did not cherish.
I learned a secret a long time ago regarding my relationship with God. He's more willing to help me if I am honest and transparent with Him. So I prayed, "Lord, I am afraid. I am afraid You won't provide the necessary funds for this trip and I'll end up looking like a fool. Many times in my childhood, my basic needs were not met. I don't want to believe my past, all those years of unmet needs. I want to live in the present, believing that You will not only provide my needs but that You desire to do so with delight and abundance. I want to trust You and believe You so help my unbelief." I made a conscious choice to trust Him.
After that prayer, I recalled to mind a story by Corrie Ten Boom in her book, The Hiding Place. Corrie was upset thinking about her father dying someday. As was his habit, he sat down at the edge of her bed to tuck her in. “Corrie,” he began gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam – when do I give you your ticket?” Corrie sniffed a few times, considering this. “Why, just before we get on the train.” Her father replied, “Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too. Don’t run out ahead of Him. When the time comes…you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”
My God will provide what I need when I need it, not a moment sooner--not only for the trip to India but for all of my life. I will let Him provide the ticket while I enjoy the journey.
Earlier, I didn't feel excitement and hope. When God first placed this desire in my heart to go to India, I was filled with fear and doubt. Especially regarding the finances. I knew there was absolutely NO WAY I could make this trip happen on my own. There was not enough baby-sitting, dog-sitting, or part time jobs to come up with that kind of money in such a short period of time. I would have to TOTALLY depend upon God for the finances. Being very strong-willed and self-reliant, this thought of dependency left me feeling very vulnerable....a feeling I did not cherish.
I learned a secret a long time ago regarding my relationship with God. He's more willing to help me if I am honest and transparent with Him. So I prayed, "Lord, I am afraid. I am afraid You won't provide the necessary funds for this trip and I'll end up looking like a fool. Many times in my childhood, my basic needs were not met. I don't want to believe my past, all those years of unmet needs. I want to live in the present, believing that You will not only provide my needs but that You desire to do so with delight and abundance. I want to trust You and believe You so help my unbelief." I made a conscious choice to trust Him.
After that prayer, I recalled to mind a story by Corrie Ten Boom in her book, The Hiding Place. Corrie was upset thinking about her father dying someday. As was his habit, he sat down at the edge of her bed to tuck her in. “Corrie,” he began gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam – when do I give you your ticket?” Corrie sniffed a few times, considering this. “Why, just before we get on the train.” Her father replied, “Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too. Don’t run out ahead of Him. When the time comes…you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”
My God will provide what I need when I need it, not a moment sooner--not only for the trip to India but for all of my life. I will let Him provide the ticket while I enjoy the journey.
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